Presbyterians are called "God's frozen people."
Wouldn't swing if you hung them.
Oh, yeah!
Is this the Venice Beach courts? Is this the only one?
Wait, you haven't put anything in the offering plate.
- Sorry, man. - Right.
Fifty be all right? I'm just kidding. Here you go.
See, I told you he was a generous man.
Is this where Eddie "The King" Farouk and Duck Johnson played?
King and Duck owned these courts. They were the best ever.
That's because you never saw me.
Keep singing, guys.
My old man was a preacher.
I love this shit.
- He put a dollar in. - So?
- So, we give him a dollar's worth. - Okay.
Look. It's all right.
Walter, throw that big, fat butt at me.
I'm tired of making you look bad.
It's hard goddamn work for a man to make another man look so bad.
Man, I'm fixing to dog you, punk.
I'll dog you right now.
Let me shut this shit up. Give me the ball.
You got the pill.
You shoot, I'll knock it out the sky. You can't take it to the hole.
- You ain't good enough. - You think so?
I don't think. I know.
What are you gonna do? Where you going?
You can't dribble.
Bring it, bring it!
Move, move!
Get that shit out of here.
That shit went out like a SCUD missile. Oh, it hurts, it hurts so bad.
Babies, let me tell you something.
I don't mean to brag, but I'm the greatest. I am the greatest!
- You all right, man? - Yeah.
Get your butt up and play.
Take your little Colt 45-drinking ass off someplace.
Yes, Walter. Hard goddamn work making you look so bad.
Man, you fouled me!
Foul?
- Foul? - Take the ball out and shut up.
What's the count?
- 9-8, us. - 9-8, you?
Get the fuck out of here.
If you could count, you'd be an astronaut. It's 9-8, us.
George, your mother's an astronaut.
He talking about your mama, man.
He playing you and your mama for a punk.
My mother ain't no astronaut! Say it, say it!
Your mother ain't no astronaut, your father ain't no astronaut, all right?
Well, my mama ain't no astronaut. You understand me?
Look, me saying that your mother's an astronaut...
...is just another way of saying that you're all fucked up.
Cool. Well, let's just get off mamas, because I just got off yours.
Keep my mama out of this, brother.
She's out.
- She's out. - Cool.
Cool!
She's out.
Cool!
She's out.
What time should I bring the bitch back?
Yo, what's the score?
9-8, us.
What? We can't be losing to you.
If we lose to you, I'll kill myself. I don't want to do that.
- Fuck you, skinny boy. - Fuck this!
You fat motherfucker!
Fuck this!
Shut up. You're giving me Excedrin number trillion headache.
Hey, what's the score?
Chump, yo, I'm talking to you. What, you deaf or something?
- I'm taking to the air. - My name ain't Chump, it's Billy Hoyle.
Billy Hoyle.
Billy Hoyle!
Billy Hoyle. Okay, Billy. Now, can you count to 10, Billy?
- Yeah. - Good.
- What's the score, Billy? - I don't know.
Then you're a chump.
I may be a chump, I just said that wasn't my name.
He punked your ass, Sid!
Fuck you.
Let's go!
8-8, your ball.
It's 9-8, your ball. I don't want no excuses.
I call it even. Your ball.
You better call a doctor. Take the ball.
- It's your ball. - I said it's your...
Take the ball.
- Your woman calling you, man. - Sidney!
Your woman calling you, man.
Well, at least I got one.
Your mother's so poor, I seen her kicking a can down the street.
She said she was moving.
Your mama's so old, she used to drive chariots to high school.
Your mama's so fat, she fell over, broke her leg and gravy poured out.
- Hey, baby. - Hi, honey.
I was buying food, the check didn't clear and I had no cash.
Baby, I'm sorry. Will a 20 do?
Thirty would be better.
You hustling me? You're the only one who can get away with that.
I got a couple things working here.
I gotta go. Daddy has to go back to work. They're trying to cheat me.
Talk to you.
Told your mama to act her age, she dropped dead.
Your mother got a wig with gray sideburns.
Your mama's teeth are so yellow, she can butter a whole loaf of bread.
Shut up. Save your breath.
You need all the energy you can get. Let's go.
- I can't run, man. - What?!
My bunions hurt. Get someone to play for me.
Come here, baby. That's okay. You're still my hero.
That's it, baby.
Wait a minute.
Who can replace Mr. Handicap?
Anybody for Mr. Fucking March of Dimes?
Hey, take Billy Ho here.
No, I don't want him.
He might be good.
- I won't go with this. - Why not?
- Because I'm white. - He's white.
He is white. Look at him.
It won't matter. You could bring Bernard King in.
We hit two, we're out. Swish.
Swish. Let's go, Billy Ho.
Hey, ain't no need for that Jane Fonda, geriatric bullshit.
You just come out here, play some D. Two quick ones...
It's over. See ya. Wouldn't want to be ya.
You got a new teammate. Kiss your game goodbye.
Hey, maybe I need to do that shit too.
You loose now? Let's play.
Come here. Let me teach you something.
Hey, man, get your ass out of here.
Come here, I'll tell you where I'm going. Over there, right.
You're a hotshot, huh? Where are you going? I got you.
Show me what you got.
This is my court, you hear me?
Luck. Pure luck.
I believe the score is 9-8, ours.
Take it out.
Ball in.
Okay, chump.
The sun even shines on a dog's ass some days. Anybody can win the lottery.
Know what I mean?
Give it up.
You want it back now.
Fuck you. Your mother's an astronaut.
She's too drunk to be an astronaut.
You remind me of one of those dudes from The Brady Bunch.
- Doesn't he look like one of them? - He looks like Cindy.
Yeah, that's the one!
Why are you laughing?
Calling me Brady Bunch.
He's too stupid to know he's being insulted.
Get off the court, Sidney. You lost.
Ease back. Give me a second with Mr. Brady Bunch.
You may be able to pull off a couple of passes.
That don't mean you can play this game.
Right. You ain't seen me shoot. Maybe I can't shoot a lick.
What's it worth to you to find out, huh?
Say, what have we got here? Fifty, sixty...
...sixty-two dollars.
I do detect the smell of cash.
In the air.
How good are you, chump?
- "Chump"? "Chump"? - That's your money.
My only problem will be pulling the ball out of your ass...
...when I take your money.
- And that is his money. - Money talks.
Twenty, forty, forty-one...
You're short.
Man, loan me 20.
What do I look like, Bank of America?
- Yeah, give me a loan. - You always do this.
I won't lose to this white boy.
You better not lose my money to this white boy.
This is a black thing. Now give me the fucking 20.
- Then we eat at Sizzler? - Surf and turf.
- I'm the bank. - That's his money.
- Let's go, baby.
Best of five, top of the key. And since you're the foreigner...
...as such, you can go first.
No, thank you, Sidney. You go ahead.
No, this is my house. This is Sidney Deane's house.
Since I'm the host, I extend my hospitality to you.
That's very gracious, but I don't want your hospitality.
I don't want to take advantage of you.
Okay, but you might not get another shot.
Okay, if you insist.
This is outdoor ball. Different than your country club shit.
When you shoot, you adjust for the wind.
Out here, the wind can push the ball to the left or right 6 to 8 inches.
But you wouldn't know nothing about that.
You want me to move? I'm sorry.
It's your shot.
This is really not my spot. I'll be lucky to hit two out of five.
But I'll shoot anyway.
Oh, man! Right off the bat.
I am feeling lucky.
Man wants to get paid!
It's pretty. It's so pretty.
We're going Sizzler We're going Sizzler.
I never hit two in a row.
But I'm very lucky.
I'm feeling very lucky.
Ugly shot. Looked like a goddamn brick.
No aesthetic beauty whatsoever. Now mine, on the contrary...
It hurts being this good!
A thing of beauty is a joy forever.
My man John Keats said that. You know that, right?
You know, I've never hit three in a row. Never in my life.
Color me lucky, man. Sometimes you wake up, the birds are singing...
That's a decent shot. Excellent.
You are the greatest.
- Thank you. - But I'm feeling so lucky.
Four in a row!
This is like the luck of the Irish, only I'm not Irish. So go figure.
Come on, Sidney. Come on, now.
Don't worry, I got this under control. This sucker's mine.
Michael Jordan was down here once.
I took him to the hole. You believe that?
That's right, I saw it.
Michael said, "You should play summer pro league."
- I said, no. - Hell no!
- Might mess up my game. - We can't have that, Billy Ho.
Shoot this one and let's go to Sizzler.
I'm gonna just leave it up there.
- Give me some. - I will.
Oh, shit!
It's hard goddamn work being this good.
Shut the fuck up.
- Am I starting to get to you? - No, Sidney.
You're just making my ears hurt.
See, you guys look at me, you see the backwards hat...
...the funky outfit and you say, "This guy's a chump."
- A fucking geek. - A fucking geek. Exactly.
But you don't realize it ain't easy.
"It is hard goddamn work making something this pretty"...
...look like a geek. So I must do it for a reason.
I'm convinced, whatever the reason may be.
If I miss this shot, I walk away, still a chump.
But if you miss, you've been beat not once...
...but twice, by a slow, white, geeky chump.
Ain't no thing.
- No thing but chicken wing on a string. - From Burger King.
The wind's kicking up a bit. You might want to adjust about...
...six, eight inches to the left.
Here it is. This is the big one.
Don't worry. I've hustled much better players than you.
Don't put up a brick.
Stop yapping and let the brother shoot.
Yeah, I got it.
The wrist.
- Brick. - Shit!
Give me my money.
- It belongs to him! - A man with integrity.
- Don't push your luck. - It wasn't luck.
You said we'd go to Sizzler...
Man, shut your anorexic, malnutritioned, tapeworm-having...
...Dick Gregory Diet-drinking ass up! Leave me alone.
Honey, I'm home.
How much did you make?
Well, I missed you too.
I'm sorry, honey.
Sixty-two dollars minus $5.16...
...for a hummus-tabbouleh garden burger and all that stuff you love.
You know I hate that health food shit.
You'll eat it and you'll love it.
I'll let you get away with that since you got money today.
Let's see, that makes...
...$58.84, which gives us $806 towards the $8000.
We still owe the Stucci Brothers $ 7194.
Don't pay them. They're robbing you.
How many times do we have to go through this?
In life, there are some things that just are the way they are.
Nothing will get rid of the Stuccis except 7000 more dollars.
What's the deal with this?
Come on, I've been studying all day.
I did fires and earthquakes. Any kind of disaster.
And assassinations.
Try me.
Leon Czolgosz.
Who killed President MclKinley?
Unbelievable.
Jeopardyl's gonna call today. I can feel it.
Don't count on it, you won't be disappointed.
Check this out. The last words of Lee Harvey Oswald:
"It wasn't me, it was the CI..."
Get it? "The..." And then...
I got it, I got it. Honey, honey.
How much do you love me?
I love you infinity.
That's not enough.
- Infinity's the biggest number. - No, it's not.
Tell me one bigger.
Infinity plus two.
I love you infinity plus two.
Billy, you're so stupid.
You should say, "I love you infinity plus infinity."
I love you...
...infinity plus infinity.
- There's a bigger number. - I give up.
You haven't kissed me yet.
No, take a shower. You stink. Go away, you stink!
Wait right there. Don't move. Hold that thought.
I'm gonna come back and put my mouth where this money is.
There's somebody at the door!
Somebody's at the door!
All right, stay calm, stay calm.
Hurry up!
I love you, but I won't get shot over your debt.
- My debt? Our debt! - Whoever's debt, I ain't getting shot!
Stay here. If I don't get you in 30 seconds, jump out the window.
I'll meet you at Denny's.
Honey, I love you.
I love you too.
Who is it?
The manager.
- What is it? - Got a message for you.
Brady Bunch.
A thousand ten, a thousand eleven, a thousand twelve...
Did you hear somebody invite you in?
I just want to talk.
- A thousand thirty.
How'd you find me?
I have to admit, no one's ever worked me the way you did.
I beat you fairly. You beat me, I don't come and cry about it.
I'm not here to cry. I'm here on business.
You said 30 seconds. I almost took off.
I'm sorry.
Who's this?
- Sidney Deane. - So?
Your boyfriend took money from me and I noticed this bottle.
You take that, I'll shoot you.
What's with you? You need to chill with the caffeine.
Excuse me?
You comfortable?
You know, a futon is better for your back.
Where did you play, Billy?
College in Louisiana. Didn't work out.
So now you hustle.
Nobody knows me here. I can work the courts.
I have a business proposal.
It means more cash than this chump change you make.
What is it?
There's a two-on-two tournament next week.
- You want me to run with you? - Yep.
Meanwhile, we can make some extra change.
If you don't mind hustling. And I know you don't.
What kind of hustle?
You got me by what, 7000 pounds?
I gotta tell you, it's hard work making you look so bad.
Who the fuck told you to talk? You score, you can talk.
But if you eat shit, you shut up.
You took me to the hole. Why?
Because I let you.
I take you anywhere I want. I'll have you for breakfast.
Want to put some jack on that?
Who rattled your cage?
You talk a lot for a guy who got busted.
I'll pick any player... I'll pick the worst player here...
...for $500. - Excuse me?
- Ex-ex-excuse me?
I'll let you pick my teammate.
He ain't serious, man. I don't believe this shit.
- You ain't serious. - Anybody.
Five hundred dollars. And you can pick anybody out here. Anybody!
I don't believe this.
Hey, Raymond, look at the chump, man. Give him the chump.
No. White boys don't count.
You have to give me a brother.
You got him. The goofy-looking guy.
- Me? - Yeah, you.
- Oh, fuck. - Hey, chump.
You want to run?
You mean play basketball?
No, he means ice hockey.
Get your tired butt up here, Gretzky.
- Where's your money? - I'll get it.
You setting me up? Here's my $500. Where's yours?
I said I'll get it. I gotta go to the car.
Good, you go to your car.
Then get your Sasquatch butt back here. I got a hot hand.
I got your back, Raymond.
What the hell is this?
Oh, man, what is this world coming to?
Look at this shit.
I ain't got nothing to worry about except Cathy Rigby over here.
Where's his car, man?
Give me your money.
- Raymond, is that you? - No, this ain't Raymond.
Take off that goddamn mask and put down that gun.
What are you doing?
I got a couple of chumps on the line at the park.
- Loan me some money, man. - Get the fuck out of here!
Hey, look, man. You need a good gun.
There's some crazy motherfuckers walking around.
A lot crazier than me.
Give me $300 for it.
- I'll give you $200. - Come on, man. $275.
- $250. - All right.
But now you're robbing me.
Yo, yo, I got your money. I got $250. Let's go.
No, I said $500. Can you count?
Hey, $250, man. Take it or leave it.
A man like me can make you look bad.
Your mouth's got you in trouble.
If I was you, I'd kill myself.
Lovely, lovely!
- What's your name? - Billy Ho.
Nice to meet you.
Point game! Point game.
That means one more point and we win this $500. Point game.
You gonna teach class or play?
I been teaching class on you all day. Taking you to the clinic.
Class is in session again. Ding-ding. Check.
- Check this. - You're too stupid to catch the ball.
Give me my money.
Hard goddamn work!
- It's okay. You played a good game. - Motherfuckers set us up.
- You dead. - Hey, take it easy.
Hard goddamn work!
You ain't gonna cut me.
You set me up!
Hey, Raymond, I seen you hustle, man.
- I never used a goofy, white fucker! - Who you calling a goofy, white fucker?
- You, you white fucker! - That's cool!
Wait, hold it. This is ridiculous.
Raymond, we are brothers, man.
I swear, I have never seen this white boy before.
Sidney, don't negotiate with the guy. You got a wife and kid.
- How you know my name? - How come he knows your family?
What?! Wait a minute.
You talk about my wife and kid and you don't know me?
Cut this motherfucker.
Cut that motherfucker.
No, fuck this. Both you motherfuckers are crazy.
I'm going to my car and get my other gun. Shoot everybody's ass.
Shit! Come on!
Come on! Come on! Come on!
Go, go, go!
Oh, man! We took Raymond Dickens to the hole!
Hey, know what?
Nobody's done that around here since the King and Duck Johnson.
King and Duck!
The King and the Duck!
What is this?
- Jimi Hendrix. - I know. Why are you playing Jimi?
I like to listen to him.
Listen? That's what the fucking problem is. Y'all listen.
What should I do, eat it?
You're supposed to hear it.
I just said I like to listen to it.
No, no, hearing is different than listening.
White people can't hear Jimi. You listen!
What are you talking about? His drummer was white.
Get the fuck out of here. He was not white.
Yes, he was. Yo, check it out. See?
This is a picture.
- Whole band's white except for Jimi. - This is a fucking picture.
It's airbrushed. Jimi did not have a white rhythm section.
You cannot hear Jimi.
- All right. Thank you. - Check this out.
Who is this?
The greatest troubadour of all time, is who it is.
Troubadour? Shit sounds like a dog.
That's a Labrador. Don't insult this music.
Take it off.
You're not hearing this.
I don't want to hear this. This is like pollution to my ears.
Explain to this Gladys Knight and the Pimps...
It's Gladys Knight and the Pips!
Just put Jimi back in. I don't like this shit.
- You're supposed to defend me! - Who are you yelling at?
Get rid of that gum. I'm tired of it popping.
Tell this bubblehead to make a right here.
You can get shot playing here.
Let me off at the Trump Towers.
The penthouse is in the back.
Vista View. The flyest view in the jungle.
- Home sweet home. - You know it.
Yo, that was a good run today.
Good run.
With the money you made, you can get this car washed.
Hey, man, this is one classic automobile.
You know, you got a fine woman there.
Hey, you keep your hands off her.
I said she was fine, not that I wanted to touch her.
You touch her and I'll kick your ass. You hear me?
Lookee, lookee, lookee.
- It's all starting to come clear. - Good.
You're a cool customer on the court.
Real chill on the street. Can't be rattled in your game, no, no.
You don't even fall for all that nigger shit on the court.
But when it comes to your woman, that's a different matter altogether.
Look at you. I ain't even talked trash and you're scared.
I ain't even pushed up on her and you're thinking about it.
- Shut the fuck up. - This is good.
This is really good shit to know. I know your weakness.
- You're like every white boy I know. - You're like every brother I ever saw.
- Kick some shit. - You'd rather look good and lose...
...than look bad and win. - You don't know shit about me.
I know plenty about you, Sidney.
How many dinners did this chain cost your family?
Just go home and get some rest. Okay, Brady Bunch?
I ain't tired.
Bye, Gloria.
- Nice seeing you again. - Same here.
Take care. I like these rings. They're fly.
Take care.
Tomorrow we're going to 103rd Street.
We're gonna hustle in Watts. Tough games out there. Big bucks.
Don't take it personally.
We're teammates. Ebony...
...and lvory.
Here's your partner.
Right, fuck me. You better get across La Brea before sundown.
The guy's full of shit.
Please explain to me why this Negro is singing cowboy music.
This is my favorite song.
It reminds me of making love to you. Makes me want to...
...take you and lock you in a room...
...and make love to you over and over and over...
...and over and over.
I didn't say I didn't like it.
Honey, this can't be safe. You know I believe in safe sex.
- I'm gonna take a shower. - Put me down!
Honey, my mouth is dry.
Honey, I'm thirsty.
Here you go, honey.
When I said I was thirsty...
...it doesn't mean I want you to bring me a glass of water.
It doesn't?
You're missing the point of my saying I'm thirsty.
If I have a problem, you don't have to solve it.
Men always think they can solve a woman's problem.
It makes them feel omnipotent.
Omnipotent?
Did you have a bad dream?
It's how they control women.
- Bringing them a glass of water? - Yes. I read it in a magazine.
If I'm thirsty, I don't want you to bring me a glass of water.
I want you to sympathize. I want you to say:
"Gloria, I too know what it feels like to be thirsty.
I, too, have had a dry mouth."
I want you to connect with me...
...through understanding the concept of drymouthedness.
This is all in the same magazine?
You're into control.
Shut up.
See?
You make me sick.
Honey, don't give me the rollover, okay?
When I say I'm thirsty, it means if there's some water, I'd love a sip.
When I say I want to make love, it means let's screw.
That's exactly what I thought you would say.
Besides, I don't like the word "screw."
I prefer "make love" or "fuck."
"Screwing" is for carpenters.
You're gonna get it. Oh, honey.
- Where are you going? - Anywhere.
Getting the hell away from you, you psycho chiquita nutcase.
Come on, honey. Come back. I want to make love.
Honey, come back. I want to screw!
Forget you, then.
You piece of shit.
That's him.
- It's the Stuccis! - The Stuccis! Oh, shit!
How'd they find us?!
Hold on. Okay, all right, I got the money.
Go, honey, come on! Come on, honey, move.
- I'm always waiting for you. - Shut up!
- Wait for me! - Hurry up!
Why are you so slow? I'm carrying everything.
You want me to carry you too?
We'd shoot you, Billy, but first we want the money.
- We've got your number now. - No escape!
Blueberry, cockle-cherry Eevie-ivey-over
Mama's in the kitchen cooking rice Daddy's outside shooting dice
Baby in the cradle fast asleep Here comes mister with the H-O-T
This is a great house. A great house.
But it's a little steep.
Sidney, we have to talk.
Excuse me.
- I want this house. - I want it too. But it's expensive.
- They want first, last, damages. - I'll get a job.
No, no, no. I got lots of jobs.
I got the cable thing, the roof thing, the paint thing.
Construction is slow, but basketball puts food on the table.
Basketball isn't a real job.
It's late. I gotta go. I'm working on this new shot.
I'm sure it's a gorgeous shot.
But I still want this house.
- Okay? - Okay.
Foul, foul!
All ball. All ball, no foul.
- You got my hand. - Your hand is part of the ball.
- You got my wrist. - Part of the hand.
And the knee bone's connected to the dick bone.
- You fouled Robert. - You didn't even see the play.
Yo, you couldn't carry my jockstrap in a suitcase.
This is Watts. I thought you had some ballplayers out here. This is shit.
I'm getting tired of your face.
Guess your mother threw you out real young.
He's talking about your mama.
Nobody talks about my mother.
Don't ever talk about my mama. Me and any guy here can take you.
How much you want to roll?
Oh, my God. What is this?
Oh, my God! Look at this! It's a thousand dollars!
Oh, wait a minute, there's more. What is this?
You rob a 7-11?
Eleven, twelve, thirteen. Wait, is there more?
Fourteen, fifteen.
- Is that your rent money? - Sixteen.
It's coming from everywhere. Seventeen hundred dollars, baby.
And we get to pick your partner?
You can pick any of these stiffs out here. Anybody. $1700.
And don't talk about my mother.
- How about my man here? - No, no. I want that guy.
- The white boy? - Yeah, that scraggly mother.
No, no, no. Fuck that. Wait a minute.
I got $800. I just cashed my check for the rent.
- I got 50 bucks. - $1700. Come up with it or walk.
Play us for what we got.
Play a tune on that bald head of yours.
Hey, man, hold on.
- Hey. - How you doing?
- What's up? - You look so good today.
- What's up? - You're up. I need a diamond.
I told you he was no good. When will you listen to me?
He was a dog from day one.
Trust me. We'll go to Zales after this.
- Don't talk about my boyfriend. - He's a dog.
This ain't no diamond. It's a zircon.
Okay. Let's say this piece of shit is worth 300 bills.
I'll put my $1700 against your $1150.
That's a bet!
Hey, give me my money!
I'll hold it. I ain't going nowhere.
He ain't going nowhere. The bakery ain't open yet.
We play to 10.
- That's a bet. - Let's do it.
We got a game to play.
Hey, Martha Graham!
Martha Graham!
Can you play?
- Good pick, man. - You know it.
That's what I'm talking about. Go back to Sea World.
- You let him back-door you. - I thought he was gonna pass.
Of course he wasn't...
D up, man.
You don't know what D is.
Go, you fucking Globetrotter.
Aren't you gonna shoot?
- He was on my ass. - You were wide open.
I got $1700 on the line. I won't force a shot.
Why are you kicking it to me?
- All right, I'm sorry. - You okay?
- Let's go. - You got it.
- Get me the ball. - It's 9-8, us. Point game.
- One more bucket, we get $1700. - A bucket you'll never see.
- You tried to hustle us, but... - You gonna chitchat or play?
Get the fuck out.
You talking all this shit. Why don't you take me to the hole?
- I practice off people like you. - Just learn to play.
Ball, ball.
I'll take your money, then I'll take your girl.
You're holding me.
All you do is hold people. You know, you're disgusting.
Both of you, go back to Sea World!
Seventeen hundred!
Goddamn!
Give me my money.
It was so nice just to hold it for a while.
I am dead. I am dead.
I'm sorry, man. I thought I had it.
I'm dead. I'm dog meat. She is gonna dump me now.
I feel terrible. I had a lousy game.
We're better than them. I've beat guys 10 times better than that!
I know. It's my fault.
It's nobody's fault. Sometimes the ball just doesn't go down.
- You want a ride? - I'll take the rail.
You sure?
I gotta think of how to tell Gloria I lost everything...
...and figure out where I'm gonna sleep tonight.
Hey, Billy, I'm sorry.
I mean it. I'm sorry.
"Thirty-nine" is the answer. What's the question?
"How many books in the Old Testament?"
I am so fucking good.
- Did Jeopardyl call yet? - Not yet.
But I'll need a nice dress. When they call, you gotta be ready.
Want to hear the books of the Old Testament backwards?
- Malachi, Zechariah, Haggai and... - Honey, please.
And I did "Famous Women" and "Foods That Start With Q."
You can't imagine how many foods actually start with the letter Q.
Will you please shut up?
What's wrong with you?
I lost the money.
Oh, Jesus, Billy.
Not again.
- How much? - A lot of it.
Most of it.
Roughly all of it.
You lost all our fucking money?
Shit, Billy! Jesus!
Seventeen hundred dollars. Billy!
We were on our way to 8000.
Were your opponents that good?
No, I beat better guys in Brooklyn and Jersey.
- You missed your jump shots? - No, I hit mine.
What about Sidney?
He had an off day. He wasn't shooting that much.
His guy scored on him and he didn't...
...D up. He usually plays good D.
You got hustled.
I did not get hustled.
You got set up. You got hustled by Sidney.
- No. He's a good guy. - You said he was full of shit!
He's full of shit and he's a good guy.
You're full of shit, okay? Fuck that shit.
I'm going back to that house and get my fucking money back.
No, no, no. Honey, a man cannot ask for his money back.
He lives in the jungle, right?
No, honey, we can't.
They don't let white people in the Crenshaw District.
And maybe not Puerto Ricans. It's reverse discrimination.
Let's see.
We drove Sidney to Crenshaw and...
You don't understand how things work. Men understand how they work.
Wasn't there a big apartment house?
Let me explain. Men's rules are very simple.
If you win, you win. You lose, you lose.
But under no circumstances do you ask for the money back.
- Why not? - It's not part of the rules.
Oh, yeah?
I got a different set of rules of my own. Do you want to hear them?
Here they go: Sometimes when you win, you really lose.
And sometimes when you lose, you really win.
Sometimes when you win or lose, you actually tie.
And sometimes when you tie, you actually win or lose.
I hate when you talk like that. It makes me crazy.
Winning and losing is just a big organic globule...
...from which one takes what one needs.
I'm fucked.
Forget it. I'm not getting off this bus, honey.
I'm not getting off the bus. No. Stop!
Can we discuss it? Can we have a discussion?
Does Sidney Deane live here?
He does.
He's my husband.
Well, your husband stole $1700 from my boyfriend.
Really?
Just a minute.
Some people are here who say you stole their money. Come on in.
Oh, shit.
No, baby, I didn't steal his money. I hustled his money.
- Cindy Brady! - That girl is fine.
Cindy, what happened?
What the fuck do you want?
- Who invited you in, anyway? - I did.
- I want to talk to... - Gloria.
Baby, that man hustled me long before I hustled him.
That's true. I saw the whole thing.
Damn skippy. So, what goes around, comes around.
Then you won't mind if Gloria and I talk. You want a drink?
- Yeah. - Come on.
This boy's got a lot of guts.
Billy Ho! It's good to see you, Billy! You look swell.
You fucked me, man.
Get the fuck out from in front of the TV.
You fucked me! We had a partnership.
No, we were never partners. It goes like this:
You either smoke, or you get smoked.
And you got smoked.
- Clean as my gun. - Yes, it was.
- Smooth. - A thing of beauty is a joy forever.
- Did I get too deep on you? - Would you make this guy shut up?
I'm sorry. I'll go back to the way you like me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I want my money back.
You're not getting it back.
- You're giving me my money back. - I'm giving you nothing.
They were teammates. Teammates can't hustle each other.
- Really? Why not? - It's not artistic.
Let me tell you. I don't care about art.
All I care about is getting out of the Vista View...
...because there ain't no vista, no views and ain't no vista of no views.
You want cream or sugar or what?
Cream.
I trusted you. There are rules to hustling. There are ethics.
That you wouldn't know a thing about.
I never shook anyone's hand and stabbed him in the back!
The Indians shook hands with the Pilgrims and look who got fucked.
Who you calling a Pilgrim?
- You, Columbus. - Gobble this, turkey.
I got a gun in my hand! What's wrong with you?
Shoot this motherfucker.
Hold it. Byron for 20.
- Byron for 20! - Shoot the motherfucker.
- He's a traitor. - Come on.
Pop it, James! Yeah!
Sweet!
That's a black man. That's a black man.
Throughout our glorious life together...
...I bought a car from the Stucci brothers for three grand.
Turned out to be piece of shit, and I didn't pay.
So they told Billy, unless he got them their money, they'd cut me up.
So he had to figure out a way to get the money.
The Stuccis decided to fix a basketball game.
Billy agreed. He got mad and didn't throw it...
...and the Stuccis lost a bundle.
Wake up, girlfriend. It's your boyfriend.
He's got problems.
He's just bad with money.
Look, the Stuccis are still after us.
Hey, hey. It's a sad story. It really is, and I'm sorry.
But I'm not giving you the money.